Photo Credit: Yolanda De Rock
Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the thing you were never taught. Material wears out but knowledge stays.”
Bruce Lee
Life can be the biggest test; we need to make sure we prepare our kids proper for that test.
1 – Competition leads to Confidence
Kids as young as 3 start to compete with their parents – sprinting to the gate or door, wrestling on the floor, roll with it. Let them win a lot, and then slowly step it up so they have to work harder for their wins. It allows for healthy competition, develops their sense of strength and test their muscles. They’ll walk more confidently and be less of a mark for bullies.
2 – Quitting is Hard
When my son wanted to quit surfing because of bad coaching I said “sure, but first try another coach.” He did and now he loves surfing and the ocean. Show kids the pain of quitting, and they won’t make those kinds of decisions lightly. “If your kid says a school project is too hard and that he wants to give up, that’s okay, but say, “Tell your teacher you’re quitting and that you’ll take whatever mark is appropriate – Trust me, he’ll stick it out” – Family Therapist Hal Edward Runkel
3 – Tantrums earn you Nothing
“When your anxiety visibly rises, you add fuel to the fire” says family therapist Hal Edward Runkel. And if you simply hand over a toy, sweet or whatever they want, you encourage more bad behaviour. Instead, when your kid starts shouting, be calm and attentive. Don’t ignore it. This indicates that you will not be unnerved and the child won’t win – ever! It may not work for the first tantrum, but it’s magic by the 4th, maybe 6th year.
4 – Words are Valuable
Words spoken can’t be taken back but used properly can mean a world of difference to someone. Teach your kids the importance of a good vocabulary. Dads have a greater impact on their children’s language development by age 3 than mother’s do, according to a study in the Journal of Applied Development Psychology. They are watching and listening all the time, it might not seem that way. Use big words on purpose, words your kids aren’t even familiar with. I’m still surprised on weekly basis when our kids use a word, correctly, that I have no idea they knew.
5 – Fights can be Resolved
Unless your kids are coming to blows, don’t say a word, as soon as you become involved, they no longer care about a solution. Instruct them to calm down, as nothing can get resolved until everyone calms down. If you absolutely have to get involved get some boxing gloves and let them at each other. Only kidding, let them know that your solution will be bad for both of them and they’ll quickly learn to compromise and sort it out between themselves.
6 – Other people’s feelings Matter
It’s easier to connect with others if you understand their perspective, so nurture that instinct in your child. Acknowledge feelings with empathy. Give them the words to explain how they may be feeling and acknowledge the feelings.
7 – Success requires Focus
Maybe you don’t wish for a prodigy, but our competitive society suggest otherwise. That’s why so many kids have trouble focusing, says psychiatrist Dr C. Andrew Ramsey. Make sure your kids know your expectations. Celebrate improvement first. And explain the value of slow mastery. “whether your kids love Cristiano Ronaldo or Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, let them know that these people succeeded because they mastered one skill” says Ramsey.
8 – Independence is Earned
When your kids ask to stay later at a friend’s house, ask what time would work for them. Then ask why. If you don’t hear a good answer, it’s okay to say no. if you do, try it, says psychologist Janet Edgette. When parents give children freedom and responsibilities, studies show, the children develop stronger morals more quickly.
Some of the words above are mine, some are the words of others, either way we have a responsibility as Father’s to teach, coach, mentor and leader our kids.
I’m sure there’s so much more we can add to this list as Fathers so please feel free to leave a comment and let me know how you feel or think.
